GILLARD'S GRAND CHALLENGE

FORGET THE MINING TAX. PRIME MINISTER JULIA GILLARD HAS A GREATER CHALLENGE TO TACKLE.

Standing on a wharf in Clareville on Sydney’s northern beaches, my optically blurred binoculars keep staring at the magnificent view of Lion Island on a sunny day, spoilt only by a passer-by promoting climate change with his cigarette.

As much I would have loved to have glued my feet to the splinters of that jetty, my loyal focus was to far more pressing matters of the nation: the 2010 National Rugby League Finals series.

One week left, two footy teams, one telephone off the hook and a sign on the door informing any nearby mormons: DO NOT DISTURB. THE FOOTY’S ON.

Will the Sydney City Reds take out the big one or is this finally going to be the year of the St George Democrats?

In Australia four things are certain in life. Death, taxes, cold beer and the Prime Minister handing the Grand Final trophy to the captain of the winning team.

Times have changed. Globalization no longer means we just share the wealth. No, developed western nations have now also mastered the art of cloning each other’s results at the ballot box.

In May, the Poms declared their will was for a minority national government. Three-months later, Australia’s happy-go citizens played copycat and declared support for dysfunctional management too!

The result means the way the political game is played changes.

Taking that into consideration, a voter could easily be persuaded into thinking that every advantage  associated with securing national political office might also need to be reviewed.

Including the ceremonial-benefits scheme (CBS) that allows Prime Ministers with an electoral majority to participate in virtually any big cultural event on home soil.

A hung parliament gives birth to the most inconspicuous national question. Who should be the political face that gets a free trip to the football finals and one of the best seats in the house (pardon the pun)?

These unique electoral times we live in mean a process must be put in place to sort out the contenders from the pretenders for the position of NRL Grand Final trophy assistant.

A committee hearing will take too long which is why a Sky News poll might be the preferred option for resolving this stalemate.

It’s quick, inexpensive (unless your silly enough to vote with the red button on your Foxtel controller) and second-preferences won’t count.

There are a few ticks and crosses going against the obvious names that can be thrown into the hat.

Prime Minister Gillard has had a mixed season. Her Melbourne Storm side was stripped of two premierships for breaching the salary cap while she was stripped of 18-seats for breaching the trust of Kevin Rudd’s supporters in 7:30 report land. Her automatic role as trophy assistant is facing some serious scrutiny. But if she stares down her competition for this job, other challenges lie ahead. The NRL trophy requires both hands to lift it and is not in the lightweight division, meaning Australia’s first female Prime Minister once again may need to rely on the support of the independents.

Andrew Wilkie: Hailing from an electorate that has no national team in either Aussie Rules or Rugby League, makes it easier to put a question mark over his name with a big red permanent marker pen.

Tony Windsor: History’s diary shows that without the backing of either Tony Windsor or Rob Oakeshott, Julia Gillard would in all probability be out shopping at Woolworths to prepare for a backyard Grand Final BBQ, not getting a free lift to the Grand Final care of the Royal Australian Air Force. That gives Windsor a strong moral argument for putting his hand up for the job of trophy handler.

Rob Oakeshott: One-half of the political tag-team Australia doesn’t decide, we do, the Member for Lyne likes most sports. Similar to his North-Queensland counter-part, Bob Katter, the 40-year-old has a successful background in rugby (union). According to his website, the “highlight of his sporting career”, was an 8-4 victory by the Mid-North Coast Combined XV over the Australian Womens Rugby Team in his one and only test appearance. Combine passion, power and achievement and you’ve got a highly credible rival to Gillard on Grand Final night. Just don’t put him anywhere near a commentary box.

Bob Katter: Clearly when it comes to standing your ground, Bob is reliable, experienced and fearless. This makes him highly unlikely to fall off the mobile platform used for official post match proceedings as many others have come close to doing in the past.  With a football shield named after him in Queensland Rugby League circles, (the Bob Katter shield goes to the best player in the Carter Sheds Mid-West Rugby League grand final), you’d have to say he’s the candidate the greatest game of all can probably best relate to. Rugby League runs through the man’s blood and if anyone can whip a crowd into cheering for him rather than booing him as is the traditional response at the Grand Final presentation towards our leaders, Bob Katter could be a popular choice.

Adam Brandt: The newly-elected member for the seat of Melbourne is a supporter of increasing the Newstart allowance. Such a move could help more individuals and working families afford a ticket to the grand final in the years ahead. He’s a rising star who will probably see his electoral team, the Storm, return to the finals in season 2011. A future role at the Grand Final therefore makes sense.   

Winning the coveted role of trophy handling assistant in the grand scheme of things will come down to a lot of luck.