A NECESSARY SICKIE

If you rang in sick 24-hours after Prince Willy and Katie Middletone announced they were engaged, don't feel bad. I too was tempted to rush to the liquor cabinet and empty it by the time we got to the weather report, writes Mick Cartonne. 

Unless you've been on holidays in a resort run by the Exclusive Brethren, you will know by now that Prince William will not be appearing on Dating in the Dark on Fox 8 in the near future.

That's cause he's preparing to tie the knot with his sweetheart, Catherine. 

Credit:Gridge (Wikipedia)

Meanwhile for the rest of us trying to divorce ourselves from the obsessive media coverage of this love story, escape is futile.  

Just in case you're still not really interested in this story, British papers are providing their readers with royal engagement souvenir extra editions.

This is a practical thing, particularly with a new round of national government welfare cuts making toilet paper a luxury for families, the unemployed, the sick and the disabled.

You cannot clean up your dog's mess with an iPAD or eat fish and chips from it. But you can do this with the extra 9 pages the Royals are taking up in your weekend tabloid.

My irritation is not with Prince Willy or Katie Middletone. They are not responsible for the interest shown by the press.

Credit: Nick Warner (Wikipedia)

However a secret drive thru wedding in Las Vegas for only $199.00 (US) may very well have provided us with some form of intellectual vaccination from the the media torture. This was within their control. 

I hope future royals will consider this before they send out an official press release. Boycott engagements, I say, and just get the blessed event over and done with. Maybe even do it via Skype to save on airfares for all those fat relatives who take up two seats in business class.  

A news bulletin is meant to feature a series of individual stories NOT a series of stories devoted to one irrelevant subject. That's how you lose ratings.

But that theory went right out the window on Wednesday night because nobody had the foresight to give the story the REAL attention it deserved, that being two minutes of airtime and no more.

What happened to editorial judgement and all the other crap people are being taught in journalism school? 

After the first five minutes, I became equally as enraged as a pedestrian running late for an appointment being held up by three fat people taking up the entire footpath in a one way street. 
There was no way out.  

Change over to Channel 9 from 7 and you saw the same footage of Catherine in her youth. 

Switch to Ten, hoping for an episode of the Simpsons and the entire family including the dog, suffered a breakdown watching a documentary on....WILLY AND KATE.

My last bastion of defense from this irrelevant story, the ABC, soon let me down as they too behaved like giggling school girls attending a Justine Bieber concert. 

We got served the same dribble on their 7pm bulletin and then they saturated us even more on the 7:30 report. It got to the point where I was starting to question God's whereabouts in all of this.

Perhaps he too went for an extended toilet break.

Just as Kerry Packer told programming at Channel 9 to "get this shit off the air" back in 1992 during the short-lived broadcast of Australia's Naughtiest Home Videos, someone in government should have rang up the networks, tapped the producers on the shoulder and told them in strong words not suitable for publication; WE GET THE F%$#@&% point!.

They wouldn't have lost any votes finding the courage to speak up on behalf of Australian viewers.

One question though still bothers me about the so-called love story of the 21st century. 

In the future, will the same level of coverage be provided should the couple break-up?

Will some blonde bimbo interview a fashion designer about what Kate or William should wear if they decide to break up with each other for a second time?

Are bookies going to give us odds on a divorce settlement figure?

I'm pretty sure that in 2045, Peter Luck will host an episode of Where Are They Now on Channel Seven during the non-ratings summer season. 

He'll take a look back at the history of the new royal couple and then ask the audience to call in and tell him where they were when William and Kate got engaged. 

I'll probably ring up and reply, 'I was busy trying to change the batteries of the tv remote so I could use the mute button on long play.'


Opinions expressed are those of the author ONLY and not any sources assisting in the presentation of the above article.