Mick: Mr Chairman, thanks for joining me.
Chairman: How much is this costing me, son?
Nothing.
What do you mean nothing? This is a radio commercial isn't it?
No, this is a radio interview where you try and sell your side of the story.
What story?
Your latest piece of adult fiction about big retailers who are struggling....
(LAUGHS OUT LOUD) Yes, a very original concept that. More creative than a Harry Potter title.
Can I continue?
Is there any GST involved?
No. You can avoid that by talking to me instead of our advertising department.
I like the way you think son.
We thought you'd like it too, that's why we called you.
You should've emailed me instead, son.
Why?
No GST.
Your involved with a group of retailers campaigning on television to convince the Federal Government to create a more level playing field between Australian retailers and foreign competitors because people who shop online don't pay a Goods and Services tax of 10 per cent on purchases under $1000. What's the feedback been like from your loyal customers?
We haven't got any.
Feedback?
Loyal customers, Mick. If we did we wouldn't be buying our way into trouble with this campaign.
How will the big retail gang measure the success of this anti-GST push?
You mean the information awareness marathon?
Yes
Well, we've certainly exceeded our expectations. That much I can tell you.
Can you give me an example?
I'm very happy to, Mick., Since we started re-shaping the outlook of Australian consumers, my chain of stores has been recording a higher-than-average level of in-store inquiries.
About what?
Our broad range of high-definition television sets.
Are these inquiries purchase-related?
Honestly speaking?
Yes
No.
What are these inquiries about?
Something about turning the TV's off.
When?
During the middle of the day.
Can you tell me when the bulk of your tv commercials are going to air?
When the small hand strikes twelve.
Why do you think you've had so many requests to turn the tv's off in your stores?
Something to do with global warming, I imagine. You've got to think with the times, Mick and get with the trends. Global warming is global which means it effects everything.
We'll have to leave it there.
Excuse me, I haven't finished informing my customers.
Our audience knows enough
You know if it wasn't for the bloody media, we wouldn't need to have this discussion.
I'm sorry, how is your campaign to disadvantage consumers the media's fault?
If the media didn't get its knickers in a knot about the margin of difference between the price of Australian goods and those sold by the overseas scum, we wouldn't be getting abused by people on the internet now, would we?
How did the media find out about your prices?
We advertised.
And who sold the computers to the people labelling you greedy bigwigs?
We did.
Thanks for your time.
Everything I've said is non-refundable. A pleasure doing business with you.
Copyright 2011 @ MelrosePolitics
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