THE IMAGINARY INTERVIEW

In an EXCLUSIVE NSW Election Day special, Barry O'Fahrenheight makes his premiere debut in Australia's most famous fictional segment, the Imaginary Interview.

Mick Cartonne: Barry O ' Fahrenheight,  thanks for your time.

Barry O' Fahrenheight: A pleasure to be here.

MC: Your political opponents are putting all their hopes into the unknown factor. They say people don't know what you really believe in. Some in the NSW ALP think you hold more positions than the Kama Sutra. How do you respond to such claims?

BO: Well, Mick, unlike my favourite football team,  the Wests Tigers, I can only take one standing position on this issue. I'm not going to indulge in negative campaigning because there's nothing negative to say about the Kama Sutra.

MC: If the Liberal/National Coalition is elected on March 26, how will your government work towards getting the state back into better shape?

BO: Two words. Health reform. 72 million dollars will be used to roll out practical based Kama Sutra re-training courses to help working mum's and dad's avoid serious injuries when making love and consequently, reduce waiting lists in public hospital emergency departments. 

MC: Do you believe there is a link between climate change and the upcoming landslide that has been predicted by political scientists?

BO: Mick, the science does indicate that most election results are man-made, so my answer would have to be yes.

MC: You are a big fan of using football analogies in interviews. What can you do to get mother nature back on-side?

BO:It's a well known political philosophy that behind mother nature is a good man.

MC: Don't you mean behind mother nature is a happy man?

BO:I'll leave the trivial stuff to the media, Mick. But where I come in is by working on introducing an incentive based Emissions Reduction Scheme that cuts down carbon output in this state without hurting working families.

MC: And how exactly will this scheme work?

BO: By convincing voters on March 26 to let us do work experience on the other side of the chamber in the Lower House so that we can deliver real political climate change.

MC: After losing four elections in a row, how will your party convince people to get behind you on polling day?

BO: By hopping on a big bus, telling stories in childcare centres and most importantly, by playing tv commercials with scary music featuring photos of former premiers.

MC: But how will this have an impact on lowering emissions?

BO: The science suggests that when Labor is kicked out of office, we see an automatic reduction in the output of hot air and bullshit. So if you want to change the environment for the better, you have to put Labor out of business on election day.

MC: Won't that be bad for democracy?

BO: My sources tell me it'll be good for the political environment.

MC: Who are your sources?

BO:The Liberal Party.

MC: Premier O' Fahrenheight, thanks for your time.

BO: Thanks for your vote.